We saw the developmental pediatrician at CARD (Center for Autism and Related Disorders) last week and he did a very thorough assessment of Dan. When he was five our geneticist wrote that he "fits the behaviors consistent with autism". We didn't really run with that, though. Now we have a formal autism diagnosis from a specialist in that area.
What now?
For years I've struggled with the school system over communication services for Daniel. In 2004 I attended workshops that the school SLP suggested to learn Every Move Counts, a program for kids with severe disabilities. I was on board. It's a long somewhat tedious story, but in the end, the school was not able to implement the program (the SLP who originally suggested it nixed it shortly after being the one to get me interested. Thanks.) Every year I've had the same conversations, the same fruitless efforts to have his daily school life include hard hitting communication work.
So, now he has a diagnosis that's characterized as a language disorder. Me thinks they must step up to the plate.
Is a setting that's geared towards autism going to work for him? ABA is the gold standard. I've thought about the rewards that motivate Daniel. He doesn't like food. Praise? Sort of. Plus I've read a lot of books over the years by people with autism who are not happy with their early ABA training.
I tend to be attracted to the methods that aren't mainstream. Facilitated communication is one of them. I've been helping Daniel at home with a letter board and his ipad by supporting his arm so that he can point effectively. It's slow going, but it's working. I saw a documentary and read the book on Rapid Prompting, and I like the ideas the author presents. I don't do the paper tearing, but I present Daniel with two objects, tell him what they are, then ask him to point to the appropriate answer. Example: "This is an orange. This is a pencil. Now, show me the pencil." You get the idea. I just want to know how well he can answer correctly. I don't want to insult or bore him, though, and I've told him as much.
In August I'll meet with "The Team." Teachers, therapists, psychologist, etc. I have to be clear and sure about what I want for Daniel, and I'm not there yet. I'm using this time when both of us are off for the summer to get clear...or at least clearer.
Yesterday my daughter worked with him on identifying letters. He responds well to her because she's stricter with him than I am (she wants to be a teacher, and she's the granddaughter of a very good one. I think she has the touch.). The choice of teacher in the new year is going to be critical, but I don't know how much control I have over that.
So, I'm praying and musing and working with him to get an idea, a vision for what's possible. That's where we are right now.
Autism is a world. That's what the title of the movie says, anyway. Time to open up Daniel's world a little (or a lot) more.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Beautiful Connections
We are back from the conference. We spent three days and nights among the disability community. It's surprising how much your focus can change in such a short span of time.
Where do I start? In hopes of not sounding too Pollyanna with my resuscitated optimism, I'll begin with the bad. It was raining when we got there. Pouring. Lightning. Melody and I are doing a version of the Atkins diet (a slightly high fasting blood sugar of mine resulted in doctors orders for a low carb summer). We'd exhausted our supply of road food and needed a meal, so we ate an overpriced Hilton restaurant salad and tried to make the best of it. Not easy. We were still hungry at meals end.
When it looked like the four of us would be trapped in the hotel room indefinitely due to storms, she complained that she wanted to go home. I kinda lost it at that point. I slammed a drawer and told everyone that I was trying my best to make sure we all had a good time, but dammit, I'm here for the conference! Maybe I should have come alone! They all got cheerier after my outburst.
We sat in the hot tub outside while the cool rain sprinkled down on us (it was really nice, refreshing, until more lightning flashed and we had to run inside). We ate the nuts I packed, and watched a movie until we fell asleep.
The rain cleared. We swam and ate less expensive food outside by the pool. We calmed down and went with the flow a little bit more. We found our groove.
Saturday afternoon while I was waiting for a session to start (something about balancing the hemispheres of the brain) a woman struck up a conversation. I thought she was a presenter because she was alone and not dressed in shorts. Turns out, she's a disability attorney, former ESE teacher, and mother of 3 kids with disabilities.
Her words, observations, suggestions and support altered my thinking in important ways. She was shocked that in Florida he's denied speech services because of his low cognitive level.
"How do they KNOW what his cognitive level is?" She was pissed. Remember, she's an attorney AND a former special ed teacher.
I told her that after listening to the last workshop on autism, I'm thinking of transferring him to a private school that will give him better communication tools. She gave me a step by step plan for keeping him in public school but in a placement that works for him. She said it's obvious to her after a short time of being with Daniel that he's "on the spectrum."
I knew that, but I've always been hesitant to move him from a classroom where they work so hard on physical skills and into one where there are kids who have behavior issues. Daniel can't jump up and defend himself. I'm rethinking that. I don't want him to one day be able to express what he's thinking/feeling and hear that he hated school. That he felt trapped. He's thirteen, and his remaining time in school is limited.
I met a man with autism who gave a presentation that day. I'd already talked to him in the expo hall and bought one of his books. The talk was comprised of stories. He called it "Autism Across America" and he shared some of his experiences with other autistic people that he's encountered around the country.
The next day when Daniel and I were sitting by the pool in the little cabana restaurant, he sat down with us. At one point, Dan was covering his ears.
"What's wrong? Is the music bothering you?" I asked.
"It's the wind," our friend offered.
Daniel looked up, smiled and clapped as if to say, "YES! He got it! Someone who speaks my language!"
"To an autistic person the sound of eyes blinking can be painful."
I laughed.
He said, "I wasn't trying to be funny. Although, I do have several jokes I can tell."
He went on to share a few of his "adapted jokes". Some former blonde jokes with just enough details changed so that they applied to autism. Funny guy, and very smart.
When I asked him if he knew of William Stillman, a man with Aspergers who writes and lectures, he said, "There are a lot of people who do what I do. I know some of them, but I don't know all of them."
I felt stupid.
Then I said, "One of the things I learned from Stillman is to alway presume intellect."
He thought for a split second and said, "I would disagree with that. I'd have to say that I presume nothing."
Touche. Again, this man was on his intellectual toes. (Although I still maintain that presuming intellect with a non-verbal person is much better than the opposite, which we encounter all of the time).
Daniel and I weren't the only ones making friends. My sixteen year old met a teenager whose brother has Down Syndrome. We saw them in the pool together the first morning there. That afternoon, they hung out and he even convinced her to go down the slide (she's always had a fear of them). From then on, they were friends.
Saturday night we danced. Daniel wanted to sit and dance, but I was able to keep him on his feet for a few good numbers. I don't know line dances, but we swayed to Electric Slide. The other teenagers talked to him; they genuinely enjoyed having him out on the dance floor. He loved it (he might not have loved mom as dance partner, but he seemed to dig the music and other teens).
Right up until our hotel check-out there were unexpected conversations, connections and a general feeling of community. Before loading the van, I sat and talked with a woman, her disabled son and his grandmother. That brief conversation helped us both. It reminded me of how important it is to be out there making friends, finding other people who are living this life. It was good. Very good.
Where do I start? In hopes of not sounding too Pollyanna with my resuscitated optimism, I'll begin with the bad. It was raining when we got there. Pouring. Lightning. Melody and I are doing a version of the Atkins diet (a slightly high fasting blood sugar of mine resulted in doctors orders for a low carb summer). We'd exhausted our supply of road food and needed a meal, so we ate an overpriced Hilton restaurant salad and tried to make the best of it. Not easy. We were still hungry at meals end.
When it looked like the four of us would be trapped in the hotel room indefinitely due to storms, she complained that she wanted to go home. I kinda lost it at that point. I slammed a drawer and told everyone that I was trying my best to make sure we all had a good time, but dammit, I'm here for the conference! Maybe I should have come alone! They all got cheerier after my outburst.
We sat in the hot tub outside while the cool rain sprinkled down on us (it was really nice, refreshing, until more lightning flashed and we had to run inside). We ate the nuts I packed, and watched a movie until we fell asleep.
The rain cleared. We swam and ate less expensive food outside by the pool. We calmed down and went with the flow a little bit more. We found our groove.
Saturday afternoon while I was waiting for a session to start (something about balancing the hemispheres of the brain) a woman struck up a conversation. I thought she was a presenter because she was alone and not dressed in shorts. Turns out, she's a disability attorney, former ESE teacher, and mother of 3 kids with disabilities.
Her words, observations, suggestions and support altered my thinking in important ways. She was shocked that in Florida he's denied speech services because of his low cognitive level.
"How do they KNOW what his cognitive level is?" She was pissed. Remember, she's an attorney AND a former special ed teacher.
I told her that after listening to the last workshop on autism, I'm thinking of transferring him to a private school that will give him better communication tools. She gave me a step by step plan for keeping him in public school but in a placement that works for him. She said it's obvious to her after a short time of being with Daniel that he's "on the spectrum."
I knew that, but I've always been hesitant to move him from a classroom where they work so hard on physical skills and into one where there are kids who have behavior issues. Daniel can't jump up and defend himself. I'm rethinking that. I don't want him to one day be able to express what he's thinking/feeling and hear that he hated school. That he felt trapped. He's thirteen, and his remaining time in school is limited.
I met a man with autism who gave a presentation that day. I'd already talked to him in the expo hall and bought one of his books. The talk was comprised of stories. He called it "Autism Across America" and he shared some of his experiences with other autistic people that he's encountered around the country.
The next day when Daniel and I were sitting by the pool in the little cabana restaurant, he sat down with us. At one point, Dan was covering his ears.
"What's wrong? Is the music bothering you?" I asked.
"It's the wind," our friend offered.
Daniel looked up, smiled and clapped as if to say, "YES! He got it! Someone who speaks my language!"
"To an autistic person the sound of eyes blinking can be painful."
I laughed.
He said, "I wasn't trying to be funny. Although, I do have several jokes I can tell."
He went on to share a few of his "adapted jokes". Some former blonde jokes with just enough details changed so that they applied to autism. Funny guy, and very smart.
When I asked him if he knew of William Stillman, a man with Aspergers who writes and lectures, he said, "There are a lot of people who do what I do. I know some of them, but I don't know all of them."
I felt stupid.
Then I said, "One of the things I learned from Stillman is to alway presume intellect."
He thought for a split second and said, "I would disagree with that. I'd have to say that I presume nothing."
Touche. Again, this man was on his intellectual toes. (Although I still maintain that presuming intellect with a non-verbal person is much better than the opposite, which we encounter all of the time).
Daniel and I weren't the only ones making friends. My sixteen year old met a teenager whose brother has Down Syndrome. We saw them in the pool together the first morning there. That afternoon, they hung out and he even convinced her to go down the slide (she's always had a fear of them). From then on, they were friends.
Right up until our hotel check-out there were unexpected conversations, connections and a general feeling of community. Before loading the van, I sat and talked with a woman, her disabled son and his grandmother. That brief conversation helped us both. It reminded me of how important it is to be out there making friends, finding other people who are living this life. It was good. Very good.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
What We Love
We're kicking off summer with a trip to Orlando for the Family Cafe on Disabilities. There'll be pools and people and hopefully not a lot of rain. Cheers!
Monday, May 28, 2012
A little storm story; The young man CAN talk
Last night tropical storm Beryl blew through town (sorry, couldn't restrain myself). After Daniel was in bed, I told him to yell "Mom! Rich! Or Melody!" if he needed us during the night. Per my annoying habit, I repeated this a few times to get the point across.
I returned to my comfy chair to watch more of the local news and the weather guy getting whipped around on the beach. Pretty soon I hear a very loud and clear "MOM!". I went to Daniel's room to see him snuggled peacefully, but still awake. I acknowledged how well he follows directions, and asked a few times what he needed. He just grinned.
I thought maybe his sister was the one who yelled, because it was SO clear. I peeked in where she was typing away on her laptop. Nope, it wasn't her, and yep, she heard him holler too.
So, I went back to his room and told him how happy it made me to hear him call out for me.
This isn't the first time he's said "ma". He can do it when he wants to, but I very rarely hear it, and this time I'm pretty positive it was mom, not ma. A few years back he startled all of us, including my mom who was visiting, when he responded to my "Happy New Year, Daniel!" with a "Happy New Year!" back. As time goes by it seems like it was just my imagination. I have to remind myself that I do have witnesses.
In other less exciting news, we never lost power and our trees are intact (for the most part). Thousands in the city are without electricity, so believe me I am thankful!
I returned to my comfy chair to watch more of the local news and the weather guy getting whipped around on the beach. Pretty soon I hear a very loud and clear "MOM!". I went to Daniel's room to see him snuggled peacefully, but still awake. I acknowledged how well he follows directions, and asked a few times what he needed. He just grinned.
I thought maybe his sister was the one who yelled, because it was SO clear. I peeked in where she was typing away on her laptop. Nope, it wasn't her, and yep, she heard him holler too.
So, I went back to his room and told him how happy it made me to hear him call out for me.
This isn't the first time he's said "ma". He can do it when he wants to, but I very rarely hear it, and this time I'm pretty positive it was mom, not ma. A few years back he startled all of us, including my mom who was visiting, when he responded to my "Happy New Year, Daniel!" with a "Happy New Year!" back. As time goes by it seems like it was just my imagination. I have to remind myself that I do have witnesses.
In other less exciting news, we never lost power and our trees are intact (for the most part). Thousands in the city are without electricity, so believe me I am thankful!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Stormy Days
We're stocked up and ready to ride it out. The last time we were affected by a TS we lost power for 24 hours, but some parts of the city and surrounding areas were without electricity for days. It's a good idea to have a lot of water and non-perishable food, not to mention some books and games to keep you from going nuts. My big fear is being without AC in this heat!
The Weather Channel is filming from our beach. The bridges in town will probably close (we have an ocean and a BIG river where I live) because of high winds expected to hit.
We're battening down the hatches and hoping for the best!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Everybody in the Pool!
When Daniel was a colicky baby, one of the few things that soothed him was water. We'd jump in the tub more than once a day back then. He still loves it. The "kiddy pool" below is nice because he can splash away to his heart's content with me sitting nearby. I don't have to turn into a prune for him to have a great time. I've tried several flotation options, like the ones in these pictures.
This year I'm going to try a head float like this one:
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother Love
Daniel was three months old here, Melody three years and three months. This was pre-seizure, before any sort of idea about what Daniel's "delays" would be. Just the knowledge that he was microcephalic, his vision wasn't developing normally, and he was not behaving at all like his sister did at that age. The mantra then was "wait and see". Nervous days of hoping, praying and fearing.
Yesterday Daniel had more seizures. I'm thinking now that the illness earlier in the week wasn't a virus, but a result of seizure activity. His seizures first manifested in 2000 with a lot of vomiting, to the point where the docs initially thought it was all GI and didn't order a neuro consult. Throwing up has been a feature of the Big Ones ever since.
I remember sitting in the hospital room waiting to see a neurologist, and when we asked about it the nurse told us the consult hadn't been ordered! It was 4 0'clock, and since Daniel's dad is a doctor (physiatrist, specialty is head injury) he insisted they get on the horn and we had the team there before 5. Daniel had an EEG the next morning, and performed his seizures on cue. (His swallow study, ordered because on-call doc was insistent it was his digestive tract that was causing him to go limp and unconscious, was normal.)
He's been well controlled for so long with Topamax that this new crop of activity has me worried. He's in puberty, and I know the risks for kids similar to Daniel when the hormones start pumping. I'm prepared with Diastat, Klonopin and praying friends and family.
I like the way Melody is leaning in and embracing her brother in this photo. She's been right there with me all week keeping watch. God, I love them.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Sick Days
We've had to take a few of them this week. Daniel starting vomiting on the way to school on Monday, and it took a good 48 hours to be eating and drinking normally (for him) again. He topped it off with a seizure on Tuesday, just when I thought he might be turning a corner.
His seizures cause him to turn a deathly shade of pale, and his eyes go completely blank. I start thinking CPR everytime.
I laid beside him a lot (really happy for the new bed at times like these). I told him over and over how much I love him, that I won't leave him, and that I'll do everything I can to help him feel better.
Yesterday, he was still weak, but getting his sense of humor back. I shared some family gossip that was pretty silly but top secret. (If he starts talking, I might be in trouble. ) He laughed the sort of insanely hard laughs where you think you might never stop. Cracked us both up.
Today he woke up with his usual smile, He's not 100% Daniel yet, but pretty close.
His seizures cause him to turn a deathly shade of pale, and his eyes go completely blank. I start thinking CPR everytime.
I laid beside him a lot (really happy for the new bed at times like these). I told him over and over how much I love him, that I won't leave him, and that I'll do everything I can to help him feel better.
Yesterday, he was still weak, but getting his sense of humor back. I shared some family gossip that was pretty silly but top secret. (If he starts talking, I might be in trouble. ) He laughed the sort of insanely hard laughs where you think you might never stop. Cracked us both up.
Today he woke up with his usual smile, He's not 100% Daniel yet, but pretty close.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Respite
I spent part of the weekend at a labyrinth meditation retreat near my home. It's been too long since I've gotten away like this and it was way overdue.
.
It was World Labyrinth day, and our group walked "as one at one" in the afternoon. Afterwards, I sat near the river by myself for a long time. I dozed a little, too.
The breeze, the water, the stillness and the supermoon were what I needed this weekend.
I'm home now. Daniel and my husband are both sick. I left work early to pick up my boy and laid beside him all afternoon while his stomach ailed him. Having that bit of respite is making it easier to not just deal with life, but find things to be grateful for even in the middle of cleaning up vomit.
For one, I have a boss who understands and appreciates me enough to not make me feel guilty for having to leave work early. It's not always been that way. My basic nature is that of a homebody, so taking care of my sickly men is not something that I resent. I'm thankful to be aware that what might appear to be a drag is just life on life's terms. I don't have to resist it. It's important not to.
.
It was World Labyrinth day, and our group walked "as one at one" in the afternoon. Afterwards, I sat near the river by myself for a long time. I dozed a little, too.
The breeze, the water, the stillness and the supermoon were what I needed this weekend.
I'm home now. Daniel and my husband are both sick. I left work early to pick up my boy and laid beside him all afternoon while his stomach ailed him. Having that bit of respite is making it easier to not just deal with life, but find things to be grateful for even in the middle of cleaning up vomit.
For one, I have a boss who understands and appreciates me enough to not make me feel guilty for having to leave work early. It's not always been that way. My basic nature is that of a homebody, so taking care of my sickly men is not something that I resent. I'm thankful to be aware that what might appear to be a drag is just life on life's terms. I don't have to resist it. It's important not to.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
We Won The Lottery!
In the form of free hotel tickets for this, that is! Since the conference is being held at the Orlando Hilton, for us it's a windfall.
We attended in 2004, the kids and myself, and we had a great time. We stayed next door to the Hilton, because they were already booked when we decided to go. The pool at our digs didn't compare to the one at the big H where there were waterfalls and poolside cafes serving up cool drinks and sandwiches. No more slumming it this time, we will be going 4 Star!
I haven't seen the line-up of workshops yet, but it doesn't matter. It's been so long since I've been to any type of disability conference that it'll all be new to me. I'm nerdy enough to consider workshops a good time.
Melody was eight years old when we went to the Family Cafe last time, and she remembers the boredom of pushing Daniel back and forth in his stroller while I tried to catch a speaker/discussion here and there. This time we'll use the respite they offer so that she's not stuck with that job (most of our time was spent in the pool and at fun stuff like the Big Dance, just so no one is judging me right now for inflicting unnecessary boredom on my child).
Orlando is close to home, so the only real expense to plan for is food. Since we are lottery winners, I believe we can afford to splurge on some fine dining. I'm counting down the days!
We attended in 2004, the kids and myself, and we had a great time. We stayed next door to the Hilton, because they were already booked when we decided to go. The pool at our digs didn't compare to the one at the big H where there were waterfalls and poolside cafes serving up cool drinks and sandwiches. No more slumming it this time, we will be going 4 Star!
I haven't seen the line-up of workshops yet, but it doesn't matter. It's been so long since I've been to any type of disability conference that it'll all be new to me. I'm nerdy enough to consider workshops a good time.
Melody was eight years old when we went to the Family Cafe last time, and she remembers the boredom of pushing Daniel back and forth in his stroller while I tried to catch a speaker/discussion here and there. This time we'll use the respite they offer so that she's not stuck with that job (most of our time was spent in the pool and at fun stuff like the Big Dance, just so no one is judging me right now for inflicting unnecessary boredom on my child).
Orlando is close to home, so the only real expense to plan for is food. Since we are lottery winners, I believe we can afford to splurge on some fine dining. I'm counting down the days!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Calling all parents of hand mouthers!
I'm typing from my phone while enjoying an outdoor breeze with Daniel, so please forgive typos.
Daniel mouths his hands so much that he whips his saliva into a frothy mess (sorry if the visual is too much!) I have tried splints, but I feel like it's denying him sensory input that he obviously craves. I bought "spiky hands", which are rubber things that cover his hands and give him something else to mess with that protects his hands from the chafing.
Do any of you have other suggestions? It's difficult to be out and about in public when he's doing this, plus it's not good for his hands.
Help!
Daniel mouths his hands so much that he whips his saliva into a frothy mess (sorry if the visual is too much!) I have tried splints, but I feel like it's denying him sensory input that he obviously craves. I bought "spiky hands", which are rubber things that cover his hands and give him something else to mess with that protects his hands from the chafing.
Do any of you have other suggestions? It's difficult to be out and about in public when he's doing this, plus it's not good for his hands.
Help!
Friday, April 6, 2012
Caregivers and Big Sister Love
So far I'm pretty lukewarm about the caregivers we're getting from the agency I switched to. We're new at having help, so I haven't had the chance to become truly jaded yet, but geez...you'd think there'd be more to choose from.
I know, low wages and lack of training are the problem. I'm lucky we got on the waiver and have any help at all. I know.
Yesterday the girl that comes for a few hours in the morning was showing the new guy the ropes while I was getting ready to take my husband downtown for surgery (it went very well, btw, much better than expected). I made sure my daughter was also here the whole time I was gone to oversee things and let the dude do the heavy lifting.
Melody (daughter) texted me regarding the two caregivers while I was at the hospital: Mom, they're like twins. They're both quiet and boring. lol, I don't even know what to tell them. "Hey! Talking to him and playing would be great" lol, like, seriously. Let's sit here and be quiet. Sounds like a party. They're watching this really weird serious tv show. But D's fine. I never leave them alone. I'm coming in and out non-stop.
Yes, my daughter got the smart ass gene from both sides of the family, and yes, I did tell her to have them take D outside for a walk instead of sitting inside. I am so glad I have her here to keep an eye on any newbies. Daniel scored having her as a big sister. I don't know what I'll do when she graduates and moves away. Wait, that can never happen!
Just so it's clear, God, I'm looking for a much better fit when it comes to Daniel's caregivers.
I know, low wages and lack of training are the problem. I'm lucky we got on the waiver and have any help at all. I know.
Yesterday the girl that comes for a few hours in the morning was showing the new guy the ropes while I was getting ready to take my husband downtown for surgery (it went very well, btw, much better than expected). I made sure my daughter was also here the whole time I was gone to oversee things and let the dude do the heavy lifting.
Melody (daughter) texted me regarding the two caregivers while I was at the hospital: Mom, they're like twins. They're both quiet and boring. lol, I don't even know what to tell them. "Hey! Talking to him and playing would be great" lol, like, seriously. Let's sit here and be quiet. Sounds like a party. They're watching this really weird serious tv show. But D's fine. I never leave them alone. I'm coming in and out non-stop.
Yes, my daughter got the smart ass gene from both sides of the family, and yes, I did tell her to have them take D outside for a walk instead of sitting inside. I am so glad I have her here to keep an eye on any newbies. Daniel scored having her as a big sister. I don't know what I'll do when she graduates and moves away. Wait, that can never happen!
Just so it's clear, God, I'm looking for a much better fit when it comes to Daniel's caregivers.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
A Little Help from my Friends
I decided to move my mother-in-law from the skilled nursing facility she's been in since December into a small, very nice assisted living center. The paperwork is almost done, and I can go to sleep now certain (as certain as you can be under these circumstances) that she's going to be well taken care of and surrounded by beauty and kind people.
My husband's surgery was rescheduled from last Thursday to tomorrow. After a frantic scramble to find an ER that could replace the feeding tube that came out Sunday, he'll be able to have the procedure knowing that he can let his mouth heal before attempting milkshakes again. He's scared. I'm praying.
An interesting thing happened two days ago. I thought of an old friend who I considered a mentor when I was a nineteen year old nursing student in 1981. We had small group meetings at her house once a week with she and her husband and another couple. We'd read and study the A Search for God material, then meditate. It was a peaceful time in my life. It gave me a good foundation for things to come.
I haven't spoken to her since about 1995 or so, but she was suddenly on my mind. I decided to google and try to find out if she's still alive. Her obituary popped up immediately. Her husband died in 2009, and she followed in 2010 at the age of 87.
I wrote her a little note. I thanked her for the God Calling , a devotional book she introduced me to all those years ago that has meant more to me than anything I've ever read. I have multiple copies of it on my bookshelf and have given many away to friends. I wrote a little more in my note to Penny, and then went to lunch in the employee break room.
I looked over at the table stacked with items for sale. It's been sitting there for weeks, and I've glanced at it a few times. This time I noticed something I hadn't before. A beautiful brown book with the engraved title Jesus Calling.
I read the intro, and the author not only mentions the influence of the God Calling book in her life, but Catherine Marshall's Beyond Ourselves. Both books are meaningful to me. I even included Catherine Marshall in my acknowledgements section of the book I wrote in 1994. I have a long history of thanking those that have passed over!
I asked our bookkeeper if I could order a copy. She said that the order was already faxed earlier in the day, but I could have the one on the table unless the distributor happened to bring along an extra copy the next day when he made his delivery.
I found the salesman sitting with the box of orders the following afternoon. "Did you bring an extra copy of this one?" I asked. "Yes, in fact I did bring one extra with me." "It's mine," I told him.
Wow. This stuff never ceases to amaze me.
I thanked Penny again for continuing to help me and point me to good reading material. Then I had a strong inner push to make the changes for my mother-in-law that I mentioned at the beginning of the blog. I do believe Penny had something to do with that. I just do.
True friendship never dies. Thanks again, Penny, wherever you are! I believe I'm ready for what's next.
My husband's surgery was rescheduled from last Thursday to tomorrow. After a frantic scramble to find an ER that could replace the feeding tube that came out Sunday, he'll be able to have the procedure knowing that he can let his mouth heal before attempting milkshakes again. He's scared. I'm praying.
An interesting thing happened two days ago. I thought of an old friend who I considered a mentor when I was a nineteen year old nursing student in 1981. We had small group meetings at her house once a week with she and her husband and another couple. We'd read and study the A Search for God material, then meditate. It was a peaceful time in my life. It gave me a good foundation for things to come.
I haven't spoken to her since about 1995 or so, but she was suddenly on my mind. I decided to google and try to find out if she's still alive. Her obituary popped up immediately. Her husband died in 2009, and she followed in 2010 at the age of 87.
I wrote her a little note. I thanked her for the God Calling , a devotional book she introduced me to all those years ago that has meant more to me than anything I've ever read. I have multiple copies of it on my bookshelf and have given many away to friends. I wrote a little more in my note to Penny, and then went to lunch in the employee break room.
I looked over at the table stacked with items for sale. It's been sitting there for weeks, and I've glanced at it a few times. This time I noticed something I hadn't before. A beautiful brown book with the engraved title Jesus Calling.
I read the intro, and the author not only mentions the influence of the God Calling book in her life, but Catherine Marshall's Beyond Ourselves. Both books are meaningful to me. I even included Catherine Marshall in my acknowledgements section of the book I wrote in 1994. I have a long history of thanking those that have passed over!
I asked our bookkeeper if I could order a copy. She said that the order was already faxed earlier in the day, but I could have the one on the table unless the distributor happened to bring along an extra copy the next day when he made his delivery.
I found the salesman sitting with the box of orders the following afternoon. "Did you bring an extra copy of this one?" I asked. "Yes, in fact I did bring one extra with me." "It's mine," I told him.
Wow. This stuff never ceases to amaze me.
I thanked Penny again for continuing to help me and point me to good reading material. Then I had a strong inner push to make the changes for my mother-in-law that I mentioned at the beginning of the blog. I do believe Penny had something to do with that. I just do.
True friendship never dies. Thanks again, Penny, wherever you are! I believe I'm ready for what's next.
Monday, March 19, 2012
A year of blogging
It was a year ago today that I started this blog. It was in March that we started having frequent daily help with Daniel for the first time ever. It was spring break, just as it is now, and I was enjoying my first year working for the public school system as a diabetes clinic nurse. Life was definitely getting simpler.
A few months later, my husband and I no sooner celebrated a year of marriage and he was diagnosed with cancer. There have been some rough days since last July 7 when the docs told him his sore throat wasn't an infection. But he is now cancer free. Not pain free, not able to eat yet, but the cancer cells are gone. On Thursday he'll have another surgery to remove areas of his jaw that the radiation damaged.
Once he recovers, the hope is that he'll be able to eat again with a jaw that doesn't hurt. That's the prayer.
There is a lot to be grateful for this spring. I took Daniel to the beach on Sunday and as we strolled I thought about just how much we have to be thankful about.
It's easier for me to be happy when he's smiling.
A few months later, my husband and I no sooner celebrated a year of marriage and he was diagnosed with cancer. There have been some rough days since last July 7 when the docs told him his sore throat wasn't an infection. But he is now cancer free. Not pain free, not able to eat yet, but the cancer cells are gone. On Thursday he'll have another surgery to remove areas of his jaw that the radiation damaged.
Once he recovers, the hope is that he'll be able to eat again with a jaw that doesn't hurt. That's the prayer.
There is a lot to be grateful for this spring. I took Daniel to the beach on Sunday and as we strolled I thought about just how much we have to be thankful about.
It's easier for me to be happy when he's smiling.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Dealing with the Rebel Yells
In 2010 we finally got on the state waiver for disability services. For the first time in over a decade, Daniel got some help with his daily stuff from someone other than me. I know he needed a break from my tired old self, and I needed to rejuvenate so as not to become a complete slug.
So, we began to separate a little bit. I took a few weekend trips, always no more than two nights in a row. The caregiver told me that by that second morning he would start to crank up and let her know that he was ready to get back to his usual routine.
Last week we got a new care provider. It happened suddenly, but I guess it was time. Our new person is a bit, shall we say, lethargic? Mama's not diggin' it.
Tonight I started thinking about what it would be like if Daniel were just a little more well behaved when we're out so that having someone here isn't such a big necessity. After all, he's gone pretty much everywhere with me his whole life. In the very early years, I didn't care if he yelled in church, or squealed in restaurants. With time I did care. I just handled it.
I would take him out of whatever building we were in, walk with him, put him on my lap, massage the sides of his mouth (did this vigorously on an airplane a few years back when he was doing his Rebel Yell at the top of his lungs). But I always remained committed to having him included in almost everything we did. Movies, nights out to hear Rich play, swimming, parties, church, whatever.
My parents helped me in this. They don't lose patience with Daniel when he gets antsy and starts to loudly whine or let out a scream. It's easier for me to roll with it when they're around. Unfortunately, there's about 1,000 miles between us, so those times are not often enough.
Lately I've felt that I'm just done. I don't want to struggle with him in church or leave him sitting in a nursery at age 13, so I don't go anymore. I've gone out to fewer and fewer restaurants and public places with him. The other night we all went to a movie, and I tried everything to keep him happy until I just left early and sat in the car.
Tonight I talked to him for a long time as he was falling asleep. Edgar Cayce called it pre-sleep suggestion, and I've used it a few times on myself. Sort of a hypnotic kinda thing. I gently repeated over and over that he goes with me to public places and he's happy and quiet. I talked on about specific places and also threw in that he walks well when we go out together (he can walk, but prefers to be pushed in his wheelchair),
I don't want to drag him places that he doesn't enjoy, but I really think it's better for him to be out with us as he has been all of his life than to sit at home with a half-asleep body he's not related to (when I fall asleep it's different.) Yes, we need reliable help, but I don't want to feel so desperate to get away without him.
His sister thinks maybe it's part of being thirteen, and that all kids his age are pains in the ass. That's probably partially true. But we've been dealing with sudden outbursts of noise forever. It's like an alarm clock that goes off randomly. I think he can learn to control it with enough encouragement. Or maybe I'm just dreaming. Either way, it can't happen if we don't try.
Here's the video I made when he turned twelve. That boy is my heart. I want him to have a good life.
So, we began to separate a little bit. I took a few weekend trips, always no more than two nights in a row. The caregiver told me that by that second morning he would start to crank up and let her know that he was ready to get back to his usual routine.
Last week we got a new care provider. It happened suddenly, but I guess it was time. Our new person is a bit, shall we say, lethargic? Mama's not diggin' it.
Tonight I started thinking about what it would be like if Daniel were just a little more well behaved when we're out so that having someone here isn't such a big necessity. After all, he's gone pretty much everywhere with me his whole life. In the very early years, I didn't care if he yelled in church, or squealed in restaurants. With time I did care. I just handled it.
I would take him out of whatever building we were in, walk with him, put him on my lap, massage the sides of his mouth (did this vigorously on an airplane a few years back when he was doing his Rebel Yell at the top of his lungs). But I always remained committed to having him included in almost everything we did. Movies, nights out to hear Rich play, swimming, parties, church, whatever.
My parents helped me in this. They don't lose patience with Daniel when he gets antsy and starts to loudly whine or let out a scream. It's easier for me to roll with it when they're around. Unfortunately, there's about 1,000 miles between us, so those times are not often enough.
Lately I've felt that I'm just done. I don't want to struggle with him in church or leave him sitting in a nursery at age 13, so I don't go anymore. I've gone out to fewer and fewer restaurants and public places with him. The other night we all went to a movie, and I tried everything to keep him happy until I just left early and sat in the car.
Tonight I talked to him for a long time as he was falling asleep. Edgar Cayce called it pre-sleep suggestion, and I've used it a few times on myself. Sort of a hypnotic kinda thing. I gently repeated over and over that he goes with me to public places and he's happy and quiet. I talked on about specific places and also threw in that he walks well when we go out together (he can walk, but prefers to be pushed in his wheelchair),
I don't want to drag him places that he doesn't enjoy, but I really think it's better for him to be out with us as he has been all of his life than to sit at home with a half-asleep body he's not related to (when I fall asleep it's different.) Yes, we need reliable help, but I don't want to feel so desperate to get away without him.
His sister thinks maybe it's part of being thirteen, and that all kids his age are pains in the ass. That's probably partially true. But we've been dealing with sudden outbursts of noise forever. It's like an alarm clock that goes off randomly. I think he can learn to control it with enough encouragement. Or maybe I'm just dreaming. Either way, it can't happen if we don't try.
Here's the video I made when he turned twelve. That boy is my heart. I want him to have a good life.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Small Stuff
I've had a few troubling days this week, but change is coming.
Daniel meets his new caregiver tomorrow morning, and hopefully March will bring a "new beginning, fresh start, the next chapter," etc. etc.
Rich has another surgery coming up in a couple of weeks, and ditto to all of the above trite statments. After all, they're overused for a reason.
One good thing. This morning when I went to the cafeteria to fill the ice bucket, a kindergartner who was sick a couple of days ago came up and hugged me and said, "I'm better, Nurse Carolyn!"
Also, Friday I will be out of the clinic accompanying my students with diabetes on a field trip to the zoo. There's nothing like little monkeys to make your week better.
It's almost springtime...
Daniel meets his new caregiver tomorrow morning, and hopefully March will bring a "new beginning, fresh start, the next chapter," etc. etc.
Rich has another surgery coming up in a couple of weeks, and ditto to all of the above trite statments. After all, they're overused for a reason.
One good thing. This morning when I went to the cafeteria to fill the ice bucket, a kindergartner who was sick a couple of days ago came up and hugged me and said, "I'm better, Nurse Carolyn!"
Also, Friday I will be out of the clinic accompanying my students with diabetes on a field trip to the zoo. There's nothing like little monkeys to make your week better.
It's almost springtime...
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Looking for Help
The following is a note I posted on Facebook this morning. I am determined to find someone who fits the bill!
Recently I hired an agency to provide respite care for Daniel. That company is Pediatric Services of America.
Daniel has a wonderful care provider who gets him ready for school every morning so that I can work and support the family, but she isn't able to do all of the hours that we have available. I need weekends and evenings covered, and I really want to find someone who feels drawn to do this because of a love for kids with unique needs and not just for monetary reasons.
Daniel is non-verbal, but he gets his point across. He walks with AFOs and someone beside him helping him so that he doesn't fall. He has a wicked sense of humor (cracks up when his sister gets in trouble).
I'm looking for someone who is strong enough to lift him in and out of the bathtub, wheelchair and car. Someone who has a sense of humor, is kind, honest and dependable. Most of all, though, I need someone who can find ways to keep him engaged in life, doing fun things. He loves water, so pool dates would be part of the gig. Long walks are another favorite. This isn't a sit around while he's bored out of his mind kind of job. I'm looking for someone who is excited about the work, and ready to commit to helping my son be up and out doing the things he loves.
If this prospect appeals to you, you can message me and I'll put you in touch with the agency. They will interview, screen, train and hire you. They take care of your paycheck and that end of things.
Thanks!
Carolyn
Recently I hired an agency to provide respite care for Daniel. That company is Pediatric Services of America.
Daniel has a wonderful care provider who gets him ready for school every morning so that I can work and support the family, but she isn't able to do all of the hours that we have available. I need weekends and evenings covered, and I really want to find someone who feels drawn to do this because of a love for kids with unique needs and not just for monetary reasons.
Daniel is non-verbal, but he gets his point across. He walks with AFOs and someone beside him helping him so that he doesn't fall. He has a wicked sense of humor (cracks up when his sister gets in trouble).
I'm looking for someone who is strong enough to lift him in and out of the bathtub, wheelchair and car. Someone who has a sense of humor, is kind, honest and dependable. Most of all, though, I need someone who can find ways to keep him engaged in life, doing fun things. He loves water, so pool dates would be part of the gig. Long walks are another favorite. This isn't a sit around while he's bored out of his mind kind of job. I'm looking for someone who is excited about the work, and ready to commit to helping my son be up and out doing the things he loves.
If this prospect appeals to you, you can message me and I'll put you in touch with the agency. They will interview, screen, train and hire you. They take care of your paycheck and that end of things.
Thanks!
Carolyn
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Quiet Times
Melody's been reading to Daniel almost every night for the past couple of weeks. I love the way he's peeking around to watch. As I listened to her read, the words from a Billy Joel song came to my mind, "These are the times to remember, for they will not last forever," and I snapped a picture to preserve it.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
It CAN be done
I read Nicola Schaefer's book about her daughter when Daniel was a baby, and I wrote about her impact on me here. Here's a video clip of her talking about her life in Canada. Catherine is my age (50) and living in her own home with supports.
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